Yes, I Really Do Need Three Line Items Telling Me To Get The Mail

So, it occurs to me that list of stuff to do that Mike provided says a lot more about me than it does about him. This is fair; you guys, I really hate getting the mail. I don’t know WHY, it’s just one of those things that I find horrifically annoying, which is apparently how Mike feels about changing sheets. Which is also fine; this is why I wash the sheets and he gets the mail. Teamwork. And the thing is, if the mail items had not been on my to-do list, it’s highly likely I could have gone four weeks without even THINKING of the mail, because … well, I hate the mail, but also, Mike always deals with it and allows me to live a life where I just assume the mail is a thing that magically takes care of itself. He’s the best.

Now that’s he’s been gone for five whole days, I have to say I’m obsessed with this mail thing. Every day has this “Must Get the Mail” weight hanging over it, and I literally think about it at regular intervals until I’ve actually gotten home from work and got and GOTTEN the mail, and then there’s the whole element of DEALING with the mail (shred this, recycle that, deal with that) which is a whole OTHER thing, and then in the middle of the night last night my eyes popped open and I was all “did I see a bill from my physical therapist? Was it a bill or a notice? Do I need to pay it? Shit, where’d that go?” and now I understand why Mike never sleeps through the night and also why mail is stupid.

So THAT’S a fascinating look into my life of glamour and intrigue. In other news: we found out the sex of our baby right before Mike left town, which is oh such a lovely thing to know, but also, wow, what a neat experience, the 20 week ultrasound. Kiddo was moving around and waving and/or trying to suck her thumb and/or trying to hit herself in the face (I actually made that  “stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself” joke twice and the tech didn’t find me funny at ALL, sigh) and it was really just kind of, well. It was probably the coolest experience of pregnancy so far, this glimpse of a person inside me, growing exactly as she should, nature just kind of doing its thing. I’m going to be a mom, and the whole thing just takes my breath away.

Now, of course, comes the naming portion. We’ve always had a boy’s name picked out, and could never agree on girl’s names, so of course we’re having a girl. The process of choosing a name is reminding me quite a bit of picking paint colors; you know, you walk down the paint aisle with a million options and you start pointing things out to each other and before you know it you find yourself thinking “HOW ON EARTH COULD I HAVE MARRIED SOMEONE WHO THINKS SAND DUNE DUSK IS AN APPROPRIATE SHADE OF BEIGE THIS HAS ALL BEEN A TERRIBLE MISTAKE”  but never fear, we powered through and I do believe we have a name that we both like and that fits our girl-baby. Hilariously, the name we’re most likely to go with is a name that I previously had negatively judged others for using and now think is perfect, so it would appear the process of parenthood making me an asshole has started off with a bang.

Happy Wednesday, y’all. If you need me, I’ll be stressing out about the mail.

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Things Liz Must Do While Mike Is Away

A while back, le stepdaughter had mentioned that she might enjoy studying archaeology in college. As luck would have it, her uncle (my oldest brother) is a real live archaeologist, and when not teaching college kids Latin, he runs a dig site in Chianti (note: He is living life correctly) and invited her to come along some summer and see if she actually liked archaeology, or just “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is a good movie” liked archaeology . 

So, that summer is this summer. Mike and le stepdaughter are heading out to Italy to spend two weeks at the dig with my brother and other assorted students, and then from there up to Germany to see some of Mike’s family. It’s a good time, for a trip like this: Mike spent a good amount of time with his German relatives when he was a kid, however in contrast Sammy has not been to Europe at all, and this is a good opportunity and age to take her. That plus getting to spend some time with college kids doing some practical college type work, plus it being her last summer as an only child… it’s a good time for this trip. I’m excited for her, and for him, and insanely jealous that somehow I am missing out on two weeks in Tuscany, BOOO (note: I am living life incorrectly) (Or, to keep with theme: I chose….poorly.)

But enough about them, let’s talk about what this means for ME: a month with no Mike. Boooo. Now, obviously, I will miss his company; he’s my guy, and we have fun together and man, it’s going to be a drag without him, but more logistically relevant, Mike is a great roommate, and in just that capacity alone, he will be very, very missed. In fact, just an hour ago, Mike sent me an email titled: “Things Liz Must Do While Mike Is Away”, and it illustrates so perfectly the division of labor in our house  – as well what it is like to LIVE WITH A GERMAN, OMG – that I’m posting it here, completely unedited.

Things Liz Must Do While Mike Is Away: 

• Check mail DAILY (except Sunday)
• Open mail DAILY (except Sunday) <- this is the most important part.
• Note any bills that must be paid BEFORE Mike gets back.
• Pay bills in #3
• Ensure stove/oven is off every time I leave the house
• Moose food guidelines:
  • approx 2 lbs per day
  • approx makeup of 80% meat, 10% bone, 10% organ (roughly 1 tube of organ stuff every 5 days. note to self- packaging is exactly the same as the chicken)
  • still partially frozen is ok
• Give Moose heartworm/flea and tick on 7/15
• Brush Moose, followed by immediate vacuuming
• Flush toilets upstairs every couple days (keeps seals lubricated)
• Walk around upstairs and check for open windows, a/c is off and fan is “auto”
• Remember how lovely the office looks when un-cluttered
• Turn off lights, specifically in the laundry room, MBR closet, and shower (and any others that are not actively providing useful illumination, too)
• Remember how to open/close gun safe
• Make sure doors/windows are locked every night before bed
• Remember that the bench/seat in the bedroom are for sitting, and not clothing storage
• Close drawers all the way, so as to not encourage spiders to sneak in and lie in wait
• Pretend to be Mike and walk around the house picking up random things (shoes, clothes, books, water glasses, coffee mugs, packaging tear off material, plastic clothing tag thingys) and return them to their rightful place. 
• Most of all… Have Fun!

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And That’s How I Know I’ve Found My People

Ok, stick with me as I get to my eventual point: 

Earlier today someone on Twitter asked if people knew what “STEM” stood for, and, if so, what it meant to them. I responded something along the lines of “Yes, I know what it stands for, but in middle/high school all it meant was I should feel guilty for wanting to Rory Gilmore under a tree” which has tickled me ever since because I absolutely love that I just turned Rory Gilmore into a verb. I don’t think I will ever stop using that phrase. 

(For those not initiated: Rory Gilmore of the Gilmore Girls was a huge book nerd, the type of girl who wouldn’t go anywhere without a book in case she had downtime and a chance to read [I suspect current day Rory Gilmore is VERY PLEASED with the iPhone Kindle app and also is sad that she broke up with Logan for no good reason.] [Um, spoiler.] Anyway, in the first episode of the Gilmore Girls, Rory is seen reading under a tree and the new Cute Boy on campus is so taken with her awesome reading skills (…seriously) (…and that is TOTALLY something that I know is ridiculous but also like, Cute Dean! Where were you when *I* was in high school? I read all the time! Come see!) that he just has to ask her out, because, she was like, reading. Rory Gilmore is to reading as Jordan Catalono is to leaning, ya know?)

ANYWAY. THEN, LATER, I read this article over at The Toast: “This Week in Reading” which is a loose review of two books but mostly just a conversation about how awesome uninterrupted airplane time is for good reading sessions, and the author mentions “Wolf Hall”, a 692 page award winning book about the Tudors, and I thought “Ok, I should probably read that.” Cue me keyboarding my way over to Goodreads, where I see everyone – literally every single Goodreads friend I have who has heard of this book- had the same reaction the author of The Toast article:

“…it’s 672 pages long and about the Tudors, so I knew I was GOING to love it, someday, eventually.”

Everyone has it on their “To Read” list – not a single person has actually read it. Which: heeeeeeeeee, you guys, I love you. I do. That is so great. Of course we want to read it! It won the Booker Prize in 2009! It sounds great! It’s… well, it’s 700 pages about the Tudors. This is absolutely the book you put on hold at the library, feel a great sense of reluctant responsibility and commitment when it comes up available, and then it sits on your coffee table, mocking you and your quickly devoured copy of Bared to You and then you return it unread with $2.75 worth of late fees that inspire more guilt than the $110 you spent on your current pair of yoga pants.

Which is all my way of saying I feel that I have curated my Goodreads friend list appropriately. 

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That Happened Rather Quickly

, a photo by LizScott on Flickr.

So. THAT’S how we’re going to be about it. Exactly five days between pictures. Oy.

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