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Archive for September, 2010

Family

I got ripped a new one at book club last week. I had missed the last book club meeting because Mike and I were in the first step of house hunting out west, and the reality of which – that we are actually and for real putting our house on the market, and looking at other houses, houses in different time zones, and missing book club to do it– warranted quite a talking to.

I get it. Leaving these girls is probably the hardest part about our impending move. And it’s even harder to explain to them that as much as we like our lives, and love them, we want a different lifestyle than the one that they have chosen. How do you say that to a friend? “I look at your life and think: no thanks”? It’s an asshole thing to say, basically, and not fair in the slightest, because while it might sound like that’s what we’re saying, it doesn’t encompass even half of what we are thinking.

The types of jobs we want aren’t here, and staying here would require us to HAVE those jobs, and well, it’s not worth it. Ever since Mike left Big Consulting and has been back at Big Marine Corps, he has been So Happy. You guys, the difference is measurable. It is so drastic, in fact, that it makes me not hesitate for even a second when we talk about leaving a house we love, our friends we hold dear, and a place I’ve lived for over a decade.

Somewhat relatedly, my good friend got very sick this weekend. She could not drive herself to the hospital, prompting her husband to call me at midnight, asking if I could get her to the ER while he waited for someone to come watch their kids. I got her to the ER and set up as quickly as possible, and settled in for the patient advocacy business of bugging doctors and nurses and anyone who would listen and get my friend whatever she needed.

In a very weird way, it was nice night. I mean: it was not nice to see my friend in writhing pain, miserable and stressed out when we both would have preferred to be sleeping, but once the pain meds got flowing and she was appropriately stoned, and there was nothing to do but wait for the medical powers that be to draw some conclusions, it was, well, enjoyable to sit and chat. I mean, I wouldn’t wish those circumstances on her again for ANYTHING, but I certainly didn’t mind being there, gossiping and spending time together, happy that she called me, happy that I could help in some small way, happy that we are such good friends.

In the course of us chatting, she mentioned “I get it, I get why you want to move. You need to be near family; this situation is SO HARD not having family nearby.” Which was odd, because I was thinking to myself: “How crazy I am, to move away from this type of family.”

Pros and cons, pluses and minuses. The hardest decisions are always the ones with good things on either side.

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What I Want

I’d love to write about what is going on, what we are thinking, what is actually going to happen, but in truth: I don’t really know. And I don’t know how to write about what I don’t know.

But I can write about what I want, so that seems as good a place to start as any:

  • I want to work, and I want to be good at my job. I want to be fulfilled by it. I feel this way, most days, recently. I want this feeling to stay.
  • I want the same thing for the Boss, but even more so. I want him to be happy, and I want him to spend his day in ways he finds valuable
  • I want to have family near me, but I don’t know yet how to distinguish the line between families made up of friends and communities and those of origin. I want them both, and I want them both over for dinner

Those don’t seem like big asks. And I think we’re getting closer and closer to getting them.

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Training Runs

I was surprised when I started training for the ten miler how hard it was. I mean: ten miles. It’s “just ten miles!” That’s a training run, for crying out loud.

Except, you know: I don’t think I am recovered from the Ironman, either mentally or physically. Post race heart doctoring decreed that I should not exercise in the heat or humidity like, at all, and, hello, have you met D.C. summer? I found myself mentally pushing through every run on the treadmill (side note: I remember when I used to hate Air Conditioning. Clearly, those days were long before my tenure as a D.C. resident), and feeling just horrible afterward. Shin splits, hamstring cramps, etc etc – I am literally hobbling around begging for a chiropractor or a masseuse or a nap. Perhaps all of them.

So I’m experiencing that wonderful humbling sensation inherent in run training. No matter how impressive it is that the body can adapt to long milage, it can just as easily, um, un-adapt.

Anyway, that was a long opener to the fact that I am no longer planning to run the Army ten miler. I hit a point of truth where I admitted I just didn’t WANNA go for a run right now.{ /whine } And you know… it’s been nice. I’ve been traveling the past three weeks, and it’s been wonderful not feel guilty about missing a training run, or, alternatively, to go running just because I want to, not because I need to.

I forgot that this is a necessary break after Ironman training – this need for unstructured “enjoy your life” ness. I woke up today to a beautiful 65 degree/no humidity day (Oh, Fall. I french kiss you and your awesomeness) and took 20 minutes to go for a quick, unscheduled run. Is 20 minutes something to be proud of? I mean, I guess not, but man, was it a nice morning run. And I guess that’s what I’m training for now – that feeling of running because it adds something to my day, as opposed to detracts.

I’m getting there. Slowly, of course, and in all sense of the word, but I’m getting there.

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